one night


i wake up with a start. i've been in a timeless deep.

except that i was always aware of you lying beside me

and i’ve managed to keep from waking you. 

down there, i said the exact truth
and you willingly accepted our fate.
but now, in morning, in the shallowness of my cramped twin bed,
your back is to me.

i lay there, aching to snake my arms around you and knowing it isn’t allowed. so

i wrap them around myself, cup my own ass and hold still.
if i wake you, it will be over.

i recall us laughing about everything.
laughing about the power water could hold.
do you know what kind of power you have over me? do you know what kind of liquid i am

when you were looking at me and laughing, rolling me over in your waves and showers?

how? i barely know you.

but last night you knew me
over and over.
i let you.
i didn't know who held what power ­­

i couldn't know, i couldn't stand.

 even awake, i am in the deep.
not because you knew me last night
but because even lying here with your back to me, you still do.

i’m going to risk the end.

i inch over, tighten my abs until i can kneel on hands and knees.
i arch my back, hold my breath, balance just right

so the mattress doesn’t give way,

so my breathing doesn’t give me away.

i dive my nose straight in
hunting for a last hint of smell.
lasting proof that you did lie here
that you touched these sheets,
that you were mine,
my wave of time.

for once, you couldn’t escape.
you let yourself go long enough to
find a warm bed, to

find one with me.

i can smell you, though it’s hard to source

the real you is inches away.

or is this the scent of last night-you?

sheets or skin? too close to call.

i grasp the sheet, make a tight fist
hold it like i want to hold you,

and will with all my might
to preserve proof
that will stay long after you have left. 

you told me, with your palm pressed flat against my chest, exactly what this meant to you.

beyond that was

my choice, my blame.
but how could i explain?

there was never a choice

in you.

in you,

i never had a say.


sex, cynicism + other small miracles

creating this new show has been an absolute joy thus far. my goal was to take spoken word and give it a theatrical context: to have a through-line, characters, intentions. to add lights and sound and costume. it's definitely challenged the ways i usually approach an original piece but in some ways, that is what i really love about making new work. you can only plan so much, everything is a bit more roll with the flow. you don't want to make decisions too early. you want the piece to really find it's own rhythm and message. and every day new ideas spark. every day more of the pieces come together. every day is a test of patience and faith. the boys are such talented writers and the context we have worked to give the story is inspiring. i truly can't wait to share the piece with the everyone. i love that i am not performing or that i didn't write it because i have an objectiveness that i am not used to. that's a new feeling to be sure! i'm not sure everyone knows what to expect but that is thrilling too. i hope you can all make it, because you are who we live to share these pieces with. BACK TO WORK! 

creative freedom

i am working towards creative freedom, as a means of survival.

i wrote this in my journal this morning, after i pulled myself out of bed to workout (which has become easier, now that i have a running record of going every tuesday to this class. i actually felt a little proud, and so worked out especially hard this morning. back pat.) anyway, i treated myself to my favorite cafe ( and made the second healthy choice of the day by getting fruit and granola instead of the million other AMAZING pastries there. i am not someone who likes to deny herself anything my heart desires in the day to day. i'm all about the in the moment appeasement and satisfaction. but it turned out, i was in the mood to keep the healthy choices rolling. and then!! instead of playing on my phone -- i journaled. see? (i just had to instagram it reallllly quick.)

i'm seriously digressing from a really important point.

which is, this:

i have been trying to figure out what my next step is, what my next BIG MOVE is, where i can fuse all my passions into a "successful career" and to ask myself/figure out what it is that i REALLY WANT. what am i working towards? what do i want to achieve?

and i wrote:

i am working my way to creative freedom as a means of survival. this means i want to continue inviting in the opportunities that inspire me -- no, that light me on fire. i want to place more value in my time, so that i am spending that very precious currency on my work or the things that feed my work. i want everything that i invest my time in to be positive, creative and use my artistic brain to its full advantage. actually, it must require MY personal vision and MY very own touch.

i don't know yet (and i don't need to know yet) what hodgepodge of work that might turn out to be but i DO know that those requirements will lead me to what i want. CREATIVE FREEDOM and eventually, i will make my living from it. by already starting to make those choices and life changes in the past few weeks, i have felt when my heart is pure, how i am the happiest and how much power creative freedom has over the unnecessary pressure and useless stress. eventually -- something's gotta give. it will give.

well, hi tuesday. how are you? talk about an overload of healthy choices. who is this girl? someone get me a margarita, stat. :)

and also, read this really great article that my good friend mike sent me, which only echoes some of the sentiments i shared above:




ps. #thisisthebeginningofanythingyouwant

may your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. i hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art - write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. and i hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
— neil gaiman


feeling queenly after a practically perfect weekend of ultimate relaxation, catching up with visiting friends over fabulous cocktails and best of all, a seriously rad audition, for which i received a callback for on the spot. YES! i also discovered christine + the queens and am OBSESSED. watch below and let her work her magic on you. happy monday!


artist's date - jessie ware

TONIGHT! i am taking myself on an artist's date (any other julia cameron fans out there? no idea who i am talking about? here:'s_Way and here: ) to see JESSIE WARE! she's playing zellerbach tonight and i am so excited. two years ago when i was in australia, a friend recommended i try going to see some live music alone. i've always been curious about it, since going to see live music always feels like a spiritual experience but one i am slightly distracted on by wondering if my date is ALSO being transformed, having fun, recognizing the genius we are witnessing or thinking i'm a wild woman for "feeling it" so hard. SOOO i'm giving it a shot because i have been dying to see this lady and will hopefully report back positively. i have a fabulous dress to help the experiment to success. :) here are some favorites off her new album, if you aren't familiar. but there are SO MANY. she's fabulous! a #redlipsbabe fa sho. champagne kisses tonight.. eeeii! 




last night we watched whiplash. SUCH a fantastic film. it's beautifully done, unapologetic, pure and of course, super inspiring to kick up your drive, dedication and discipline for the work. the first two D's i've always had but discipline is hard. SELF-discipline is hard because in order to excel at your dreams you have to DO IT YOURSELF. no one else will do it for you. and if you don't show up, someone else will. there may or may not be someone helping you along the way but regardless, you have to dig deep in yourself and keep pushing. alllll that being said, you can only do so much, you can't drive yourself crazy...or can you? "start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.." ugh, stop the excuses just do it!!  (this is the roller coaster in my brain every. single. day.)  anyway, this isn't about me. (ha!) this is about whiplash. WATCH IT. 



papa don't preach

i think i'm gonna start MADONNA MONDAYS.  (i know it's thursday.. but that just means only 4 days until the next madonna post! maybe it'll just be an instagram thing.) 

flashback to 1989: 4 year old mia at a wedding reception singing every word of "like a prayer" in the middle of the dance floor. i'm sorry, did i say singing? i meant PERFORMING. like, complete with inappropriate sacrilegious dance moves. 

now: this lady has been a inspiration and an icon for me since at least then. i might have come out of my mother's womb writhing and singing "cherish! cherish!" i frequently watch the "truth or dare" documentary when i need a little ambition ass-kick. (it's on netflix! go! now!)

the list goes on, but she currently speaks to me because she is such a fearless bad-ass and a crazily independent business woman, who has essentially lived for her career her whole life. her shows, videos, movies, etc. are beautiful, strategic theatrical experiences. (and she even sites that in the film when the vatican tried to cancel her italian tour dates for the blatant sexuality). 

and we don't even need to get GOING on her fashion. (or do we? maybe we do.)

i am preparing an uptempo pop song for an upcoming audition where i will also be asked to impersonate pop icons. (PLEASE PLEASE LET ME DO MADONNA) and i was thinking about "papa don't preach." it has an air of hilarity around it.. a song begging your father to not disown you for sleeping with the MEGABABE bad boy down the block who he SPECIFICALLY told you would knock you up. and he did. dads are always right. (but watch the video, he forgives her in the end. yay!)  

i'm also going to take THIS energy into my callback tonight. FIERCE!

  so happy madonna monday/sike/thursday and keep those jazz fingers long and parallel pose's high. 




i am!! i am so excited to start a new commitment to myself and my work. i can't wait to share it all. being able to incorporate all the things i love together suddenly seems tangible and extremely liberating. the commitment to get up everyday and write & share & relish is so damn exciting. i am excited to re-brand, to take ownership, to test limits, to push myself, to explore new territories. i think i sound like a new divorcee. i'm okay with that! 

what's ON TAP this week: 

+ 2nd Callback for WEST SIDE STORY tomorrow night.

+ Continuing the bittersweet breakup of the rabbit hole into a children's theatre school and red lips productions.

+ Planning and producing the red lips and W branding photo shoot to take place. 

+ Re-scheduling the production of BLACKBIRD originally slated for May 2015. unfortunate unavoidable actor drop out calls for a re-programing. i haven't given up hope it will happen this year.

+ Plan fundraising launch party ! 

+ Revisiting my precious "SUBWAY BABY" script… can i make that short film happen this year? methinks I can. time to put the feelers out.. 


and it's already wednesday. GET TO IT! 



photo cred: steven meisel

photo cred: steven meisel